HOW TO INCLUDE SEX IN THE SCHOOLBOOKS   It has become popular to say that young people do not want to study these days. Failed pedagogues and carping social activists are constantly complaining that teenagers have no interest in education whatsoever.

If this is true, the main reason for it is the duplicitous state of teaching in our schools. The ossified educators’ minds fail to accept the fact that students’ interest in sciences is not inborn. You have to develop it.

If we want students to stop playing truant from school, we have to make the teaching process motivating and attractive. What is the most exciting topic for an adolescent? Sex, of course.

If you talk to students about anions and cations, Newton’s second law or how to calculate the surface of a cube, all you will get in return will be yawns and contempt. But if you just mention sex, you will see those teenage eyes, which looked on you with boredom and disdain, gleaming with curiosity and delight.

The inclusion of sex in school courses is an enlightening and patriotic task. Here areseveral practical ideas how this could be done.



Subtraction: the importance of taking it out in time, because if late it can lead to multiplication.

Sample problems:

1. In March Ivanka’s tits measured a total of 260 cubic centimetres. In April they suddenly grew to 820 cubic centimetres. Calculate the amount her husband Minko paid for cosmetic surgery.

2. During a sex act Margarita’s legs open at 120 degrees. Evlogi’s penis enters between them as a bisector 16.3 cm long. If the pressure exerted by the penis on the vaginal walls is 16 newtons per sq cm and the frequency of frictions is 23 Hz, calculate the time Margarita needs to reach an orgasm.



The chemical composition of vaginal juices or why some vaginas have a slightly sourtaste.

The viscosity of the most popular lubricants for anal sex.

Does the sperm contain chlorine and if not, why does it smell of bleach?



The law of gravity or why tits hang down.

The perfectly rigid body: does it exist in nature or is it only a figment of maidens’ imaginations?

Were Joule and Lenz gay and if not, why are their names always spelt together with a hyphen?

Sample problems:

1. When having standard sex Vasilka moans at 45 decibels. During anal sex her groans reach 82 decibels. Add Tihomir’s grunts, which come at 67 decibels during ejaculation, and calculate the time needed for the neighbours to start banging on the wall.

2. Tenth-grader Dimitrichka keeps her legs closed with a force of 9 newtons. Her classmate Stanoy is trying to spread her knees applying a force of 4 newtons. While doing this, Stanoy is passionately kissing Dimitrichka and his kisses reduce her resistance by 0.25 newtons per minute. How long will it take for Stanoy to spread Dimitrichka’s legs?



Does the reason for Napoleon’s quick temper lie in the crab lice that Josephine infected him with?



“Gin a body meet a body”: sex motifs in Robert Burns’s poetry.

The Farm-Yard Cock and the Weather-Cock or the male sex organ in H.

C. Andersen’s fairy tales.

Robinson Crusoe and Friday: homosexuality in Daniel Defoe’s work.



The basic principles of suggestion or how to make her give you a blowjob.

Is the self enough: a critique of unadulterated masturbation.



The influence of the Dow Jones Averages on the sensitivity of the G-spot. Fiscal measures against impotence or why it is more important to be well-heeled than to be virile.

Devaluation of the female body after the age of 35 and inflation indices of former models.

Sample problem:

The Donkovs generate a gross domestic product of 752 leva 34 stotinki per month. Mrs. Tsonka Donkova’s current expenses amount to 824 leva and 16 stotinki per month, as follows: 46 percent spent on new clothes, 18 percent on cosmetics, 16 percent for her phone bill, 11 percent on coffee with friends and 9 percent on hairdressing.

Given this budget deficit, calculate how soon Tsonka Donkova will find a strategic investor using the “sex for debt” model.



Is the Amazon a river or a woman with one tit?

Why is there an equator between some hemispheres and an arse between others?


Political science

Dictatorship of the proletariat: why unemployed women prefer to be on top when having sex.

The antagonism between left and right wing: why men with a larger left testicle have predominantly rightwing convictions.

Principles of democracy: why the majority should take the decisions in group sex. Is the opposition capable of suggesting a constructive policy in such cases?

If you have had sex with a woman for four years, does she have the moral right to apply for a second term?



Ontology of copulation: using Wittgenstein’s postulates, prove that each copulation is what it could not be if it was another, unless it is the same, because it cannot be what it is not.


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